I Like You, But Not That Much

Meeting new people is quaint. A shake of hands, an introduction, often a few words about work, pets, kids.

Why it doesn't end there, I'll never know.

What I do know is the simple task of leaving my house inevitably leads me to meet someone during the course of the day who will ask for my email address. To my horror, often attempt to punch in my number.

They seemingly want to hang out, invite me to a dinner party, or most recently, "game night."

Hanging out with strangers makes me anxious. Eating other people's food causes me anxiety. And "game night," well, that's enough to pop a valium just to get through the thought of it.

Today make yourself a promise to cross paths with a zealous stranger and chat them up. I guarantee you that your boredom will increase your heart rate as you desperately search for a way out of the conversation.

Anxiety 101

Because so many of you out there wish more things bothered you, I've decided to keep an updated journal for your reference.

Welcome to Foolproof Anxiety!

Today, being the first day, I'm going to discuss how much anxiety "firsts" give me.

I took a spanish class last year, and it never failed that my cruel teacher would call on me first to say something like, "Como estas?" Granted, I'm still not sure if "estas" should have an 's' on the end, but I know if I was called on second through last I would have A) gotten in right, and B) would know how to say it properly now. This is why one should never be first.

Also in the terribleness of firsts, because I walk faster than most people, I am always the first to pass by a driveway. In turn, you can imagine how many cars have had their first experience grazing my knees. It's time to commit to a secondary walking pace, people.

Last thing about firsts is volunteering to be a test subject. Last night someone, who is also cruel, asked me to shave lines in the side of their head to spruce up a haircut. I volunteered to test doing it on myself as a practice run, and now I look crazy while this cruel person looks pretty damn cool.

Today's the first day of the rest of your seconds.