What's Mine is Mine, What's Yours is Mine

There's two sides to a bed. (For you polyamorous folks there may be three, but that's a level of anxiety even I can't fathom. One partner is more than enough.)

Back to my point...

Certainly everyone can agree that your side of the bed is yours. But what happens when your side is taken by your adventure seeking partner who wants to "try something new"?

In my endless quest to satiate my thirst for anxiety, I attempted this very thing myself. I scooted myself to the left side of my bed and felt the rush of stress overcome my senses. I could barely close my eyes, much less sleep.

Then there was the face of said partner. Shock and awe. The habitual Grapes (me) occupying inches to the left was like watching a car accident-- you can't look away. For you single folks, you can try this at home alone, but the plus to having a witness is that they will interrogate you like you committed a hit and run.

Another lesson in foolproof anxiety. Scoot over to the other side of the bed tonight, you'll thank me in the morning.

Eat Your Anxiety

I knew I didn't like blueberries! And believe it or not, I don't like chocolate either!

Keep your diet foolproof by staying away from such foods!

Kitchen Anxiety

We all know the kitchen is a dangerous, dangerous place.

Just look in your dish rack, or dishwasher. Sure, you cleaned the silverware with care. After its dry those pointy fork tips and sharp knife edges and spoony spoon parts creep up at your forearms just begging to injure you in some way.

I walk into my kitchen with assurance that if I've missed other opportunities to get needlessly anxious, I can always put away clean silverware.

Anxious Fish Makes For Anxious Fun

I'm overfeeding the fish, I'm sure of it. I don't clean the filter often enough, I'm sure of it. One died a few months back, I'm sure I'm the reason. So why do people say fish tanks bring tranquility to a home? If your tranquility is defined by the levels of your anxiety, then it's a tranquil home if I ever saw one.

Foolproof Anxiety: get fish.

Saran Wrap/Plastic Wrap: Joyous Cause for Anxiety

Last night I made the decision to open the drawer under the silverware and utilize my most anxious food preserver: plastic wrap. It wasn't a decision made lightly, but one made under duress. Food, as it turns out, must be refrigerated for safekeeping.

And get this: Pizza slices don't fit into tupperware! Not a single box/lid combo can accommodate a slice of pizza anywhere on planet Earth. This is the sole reason I've ever purchased plastic wrap-- for pizza preservation.

Two issues glare back from that evil plastic roll: 1) the lethal blade on the edge of the box, and 2) static. How does one wrap a triangular shaped greasy mess of goodness in static-ey plastic wrap without piercing through the lovely hand skin one so relies on throughout the course of a lifetime?

The answer is... fail. There's no way to do it. Forget it. Either your hand ends up a bloody Freddy mess or only a third of your triangle gets covered.

Thus, when I order pizza I get to smile to myself that after all it's delicious cheesey goodness I can look forward to several minutes of uptight anxiousness and potential cardboard blade death when I attempt to do the impossible-- save a piece for tomorrow.

Daylight Savings only Loses

Many people don't know this: Daylight Savings is stupid. Why? Because it's going to be dark before 6pm pretty soon here in the USofA.

In my many years of living and loving anxiety, my main challenge associated with finding a reason to be anxious over daylight savings is that come summer, when it's light for a hundred years, I'm exuberant over our recognition of daylight savings. This cancels out the anxiousness I could have been experiencing in wintertime.

Here's the facts: Most the world doesn't recognize daylight savings. Go ahead, Wikipedia it. Bearing that in mind, the only anxious tidbit daylight savings can offer is the fact that I never really know what time it is anywhere.

And that, my fine anxious-seeking friends, is worth it!

Set your clocks, anxiety is ticking!

Guest Bathroom

This is bound to help you if your day so far has been anxiety free.

Go to a friend's house, use the restroom. Of course, don't look at the toilet paper roll before you, er...

See photo.